Sunday Readings: The Two-World Dance - Why Constant Comparisons Between Home and Host Country Can Hinder Your Adaptation Journey

As immigrants, moving to a new country like Canada or the U.S. comes with excitement, challenges, and endless learning. It’s natural to compare your new home to your country of origin – after all, these comparisons help us make sense of unfamiliar places. However, constantly comparing everything (food, weather, healthcare, social norms) between your old and new homes might leave you feeling confused, or even frustrated, slowing down your adaptation process.

In today’s Sunday Reading, let’s dive into the habit of comparison and how balancing expectations and experiences can make your new life smoother and more enjoyable. We’ll also pull from some reputable sources to shed light on these challenges.

Why Do We Compare? The Psychology Behind It

Humans are hardwired to draw comparisons. It’s how we make decisions, define values, and even build our identities. When you relocate, these comparisons provide a familiar benchmark. According to Dr. Andrea Hernández at the University of Toronto’s Psychology Department, this habit of comparison is essentially a coping mechanism. “The mind craves familiarity, and by comparing, we feel more anchored,” Hernández explains. Yet, while it’s natural, constant comparisons can turn into a cycle of dissatisfaction.

This experience is also characterized by what sociologists call “marginality” - the state of being bicultural and operating between different worlds. While this can lead to psychological distress, it also has the potential to foster remarkable creativity and adaptability.

Common Comparisons That Can Hinder Adaptation

Let’s explore some common areas of comparison for immigrants, especially those coming to North America, and why they can be problematic.

1. The Job Market and Workplace Culture

In many parts of the world, work culture can be vastly different. For example, hierarchies may be more rigid, and jobs are often seen as stable “forever” positions. In North America, work culture can feel flexible to some, while others view it as unstable. A study by the National Bureau of Economic Research found that immigrants often experience career advancement differently and may feel uncertain in their roles due to job hopping norms and flatter hierarchies.

These differences can make newcomers feel like their efforts aren’t valued or that they’re under constant pressure to ‘sell themselves’ to succeed. Instead of constantly contrasting, try to see how these new approaches may benefit your career growth in the long run.

2. Social Norms and Communication Styles

The way people communicate and connect also differs. In North America, people can be casual, direct, and open with strangers, which might be refreshing or surprising for someone from a country where privacy or indirect communication is more common. “Why does everyone smile at strangers?” you might ask, or “why does no one visit unannounced?” Constantly comparing can make you feel out of place or uncomfortable, particularly if you view it through a judgmental lens.

Research from McGill University has shown that immigrants who embrace these social norms with curiosity, rather than resistance, adapt much faster. Try to observe and enjoy these differences, accepting them as a unique part of the North American social fabric.

3. Healthcare Systems

If you’re coming from a country with accessible healthcare, the North American healthcare system can seem expensive and complex. A report by the Commonwealth Fund explains that while the U.S. and Canada both have high standards, the approach and costs are very different. In the U.S., health insurance is a whole industry itself, and even Canada’s universal healthcare doesn’t cover everything.

Constant comparisons can make newcomers feel hesitant or frustrated, especially during medical needs. Instead, exploring local health services and understanding how to navigate them can ease the process.

The Impact on Family Dynamics

Shifting Gender Roles

Immigration often forces families to reconsider traditional gender roles. Couples may need to adjust to new divisions of labor, with both parents working outside the home - a situation that might have been uncommon in their country of origin.

Children’s Integration

Children of immigrants often find themselves caught between two worlds. They may feel ashamed about not knowing popular culture references or struggle to dress like their peers. This experience can create tension within families, especially when children adapt more quickly than their parents.

The Mental Toll of Constant Comparisons

Imagine carrying two backpacks, one with essentials for the road ahead and another full of things from “back home” that you may never use. The latter weighs you down and makes the journey harder. Research published in The Journal of Immigrant Health suggests that comparisons can lead to feelings of isolation, confusion, and, in some cases, depression. Those who compare often miss out on fully experiencing their new environment because they’re too focused on what it “isn’t.”

Dr. Rajiv Gupta, a renowned psychologist specializing in immigrant adjustment, writes, “Many immigrants unknowingly self-sabotage by romanticizing their homeland while critiquing their host country, thus prolonging the adaptation phase and increasing stress.”

How to Balance Expectations and Embrace Your New Life

1. Start Small with Local Adventures

Explore your new city like a tourist. Find local spots to connect with, be it parks, cafes, or cultural centers. You’d be surprised how quickly a place starts feeling like “home” when you start building memories in it.

2. Accept That Both Countries Offer Unique Experiences

Instead of “better” or “worse,” focus on “different.” Every country has its own strengths and weaknesses. North America may offer you job flexibility and career growth potential, but maybe the pace of life back home was slower and more family-oriented.

3. Shift Your Focus to Growth Rather Than Comparison

Look at the move as a growth opportunity. What skills, ideas, and perspectives are you gaining here? When you view adaptation as self-development, you’ll feel more empowered.

4. Seek Out Community

Finding a community of people who have gone through similar experiences can be incredibly grounding. Many immigrants find solace in groups that meet at local community centers or in online forums. Knowing that others are also adjusting can make you feel less isolated.

5. Stay Informed, Not Critical

Curiosity is healthy; criticism, not so much. Learn about your new country’s traditions, norms, and policies with an open mind. You’ll start to appreciate aspects that were initially strange.

Some Final Thoughts: Give Yourself Grace

Adapting to a new country takes time, and constant comparisons are a natural part of that process. However, as with any new adventure, mindset is key. If you’re willing to be open, adaptable, and less critical, North America (or any country) can offer you a rich and fulfilling experience that might even surprise you.

In Blacksy’s immigration practice, we often talk about this mental shift with our clients. Your new home won’t mirror the old one – and that’s okay. Embracing these differences can open doors to understanding, new friendships, and a fresh perspective on life. So, let’s put down that mental scale of “better” and “worse” and focus instead on making the most of this incredible new chapter.

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About the Author

I’m Ahmet Faruk Ocak, a Canadian immigration lawyer and the founder of Blacksy Immigration Law Firm 🌊. 

At Blacksy, we specialize in providing honest, straightforward, and tailored immigration solutions to individuals and businesses worldwide. Our brand promise is simple: no unnecessary fuss, no false hopes, and no empty promises—just realistic, reliable guidance to help you achieve your immigration goals.

Whether you’re expanding your business to Canada, transferring top talent, or planning your future here, we’re here to guide you with precision, transparency, and care.

Visit us at www.blacksyimmigration.com to learn more or to start your journey.